Anti-Fan Mail

Okay I know that sounds harsh, but really, here is my letter:

To the makers of Italian swimsuits:

I have spent five beautiful days on an Italian beach. Everthing was beautiful; the beach, the sunset, the people. However, I do have one concern and that is Italian swimsuits. As Italian struggle with the concept of modesty anyways I would appreciate it if you would do your part to help.

I’m not sure your aware, but the women’s bottoms seem to be missing about an inch from each side in both the back and the front. Now I’m not really a prude, but considering I was at a family resort I felt a little more like I was at a semi-nude beach!!! Also, I know you might not be aware of this, but its okay…no really its okay if a swimsuit top is not completely made of strings. Even better for the over 60 crowd they make these swimsuits in other countries called a one piece…no it doesn’t mean no top, but it does cover bellies and bottoms.

In regards to men’s swimwear. I am almost at a loss for words, however I will share the few I do have. Please refrain from making anymore ‘bannana hammocks’ the Italian men are far to fond of them for good taste. And when I say men I mean ALL Italian men. All shapes. All sizes. All ages.

Please, please, please for the sake of my burning eyes address this issue as soon as humanly possible!

Best Regards,



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