So yeah, yesterday.
I had the car running and the kids suited up. Despite the twelve on the thermometer we were ready to go.
Except, of course, me. I still needed to get boots and a coat on.
They, of course, begged. Because, SNOW!!!!!
“Mooooommmmm Snooooow!!! Can we play in the snooowww! I wanna play outsiiiiiide!!!!!”
“Two minutes. Seriously. When I’m ready to go we go, yes ma’am?”
They all answered a little too quickly. A little too enthusiastically.
I should have known then that it wouldn’t be that easy.
I pushed on my beautiful new snow boots and glanced out the back window as I went to grab my coat. Alex was laying in the snow in his jeans. So I opened the door to give him a dire warning about wet jeans in freezing weather.
As soon as I did I heard a blood chilling scream.
I ran. Not for My soaking wet Alex. But for the slide ladder. The ladder where my eldest daughter was firmly attached. By her tongue.
Al la Christmas Story.
Yeah, we totally should have put that on our watch list this year. (I can hear my little sister saying “I told you so” already.)
Adrenaline can make people do amazing things.
I am not one of those people.
I frantically ran next door (because of course I had left my phone at the church that morning.) Burst into my neighbors house pleading for a phone. I promptly called 911 and started screaming about tongues and frostbite and never being able to eat again all while running back toward my back yard.
All the while my sweet neighbor, Larry, was getting a pitcher of warm water and following right behind me.
This is the part I need to confess that not only had the thought not occurred to get warm water, but in my hormone fogged brain I was actually envisioning getting out an extension cord and a blow dryer.
No really. I’m still embarrassed.
We turned the corner to our back yard and it was…empty.
We followed a trail of blood into the house to find my sweet Bug running around the house squirting blood out of her mouth while all the kids watched.
It took about two seconds to confirm that her tongue was still attached and very, very little of it had been left behind on the ladder.
At which point I collapsed into hysterical sob laughs. Because as long as everyone is okay? It’s gonna be a great story to tell a suitor friend someday.
You should hear that sweet lisp, yall. I bet you my bottom dollar that you would giggle too!